Note 2 Self

Being a receptionist entails answering phones, greeting customers, light cleaning and heavy daydreaming.

There are only so many people to help, and tabloids to consume and then the rest of the day I have to escort my restless mind out from behind the desk to somewhere far away.

Daydreaming is one of those doubble edged swords.  Awesome to have lots of dreams, as they are what carry us, push us onto stage.
 But not awesome when your thoughts drag you off like a ragdoll to places you never wanted to go.
Sometimes it takes a sensible person to grab my hand and pull me back to reality.

The mind is powerful.  
The other day at work I convinced myself I was going blind because I kept seeing all these floaty things in my eyes.  Self diagnosed, by the end of the day I was reasuring myeslf, 'Stevie Wonder has a wonderful life' and embracing his lifestyle as my own. I considered practing bra:l

and tried doing all things with my eyes closed, including driving.  This is very shameful to admit but my eyes were clenched shut for a few seconds before I immediatly remembered that if I was blind I would not be behind the wheel in the first place.  After this risky stunt I knew I must go to the doctor. FYI, the eye doctor said 80% of people see "floaters", phewsha!

Anyway the upside to daydreaming is ofcourse creating anything we want.  We can plan for our futures, or imbellish the past.  My mind is cusioned with so many sweet memories, so sometimes I just hit replay and its like sipping a warm cup of coco.

When Im vacuming at work I think about what kind of werid names Im going to give my kids someday.

When Im on my hands and knees scrubbing, I think about all the people who immigrate to the U.S and clean hotels or become janitors, they work so hard and usually send all their hard earned money back to their families.  Note to self: always say hi to these people.

More notes to self...

(I've accidently begun collecting sticky notes to self at work. Call me a hoarder but really without catching our own thoughts how can we ever really know what we want if we dont listen and atleast write down the small steps to get us there.

Here are some notes to self from today....

-watch breakfast at tiffanys
-be your own brand of beautiful
-make relaxing a priorty
-learn how to scuplt
-read chuck palahniuk
-have babies early to decrease chances of breast cancer
-look everyone in the eyes
-take prenatals
-be sunshine
-find the beauty in everyone
-eat more veggies
-imitation is suicide
-make a photo calendar for mom
-run 4 miles everyday
-save money for visiting people it means alot
-give/get more hugs
-be like a child
-eat spicy thai food
-what exactly is a dog day?
-what is the meaning of simpatico?
-call friends
-watch moneyball and dolphin tale
-visit grandpa and grandma

-play with  the pigeons in st marks square in venice
-start clothing line
-make everything you do be like music
god is listening

This phrase has been running through my mind all week..

I think about Hawaii everyday. I think about how I want to be a good.  I think about fashion. My sweet baby niece and nephew. All the people Ive ever loved. I think about how to make prickly people feel speical, how to sand down sharp spots. I think about color.  I think about who I want to be.  I think about if Im doing enough. I think about the sweet feeling I want to fill my house with someday.  I want to always have fresh flowers, music and laughter. I think about gardening with nosiy kids, I think about walking some dusty road and teaching children, I think about an awesome best friend.  I think about how good the sun feels and how good freedom feels. How we all need it.

 Some thoughts are worth locking arms with and pulling into real life. Pay attention. Listen to the small voice within and let your mind wander. The rewards are huge!


escalatorsescalarscalawags said...

i love you marni vail. my soul has a string on you foreva.

Brooke Self said...

love, love, LOVE you. Can we daydream together? And you inspire me. Hands down.

I can't wait until we both are mothers! And this part where we wonder about where the future is taking us is over. Although I am enjoying my pre-adulthood stage-- (Is that what sociologist are coining it these days?)

And one could argue you should never lose your sense of wonder and constantly reinvent yourself.

Love ya my'dear. You will do many great things ten times over. I know because you already have for so many people. :)