All summer long possibilities of what to do next with my life pelted down on me like meteors.
Instead of trying to catch a falling star and put it in my pocket, or admiring the beauty before me, I found myself curled up in the fetal position somewhere in outfield, checking out self help books, consulting Dr. Phil, and googleing things like "how to be mature."
What in the world do you do when every shell on the beach looks beautiful, like it deserves a home in your pocket? Do you bring the whole beach with you? No, youve just got to choose.
Do I move to New York to write and experience the city? What about my family? Should I pipe off to fashion school in LA? What about my mission? Do I stay in Hawaii with my precious coco and sol, theyre growing up so fast. Should I get my teaching degree? Fall madly in love? Have kids of my own? Can you even plan for that? Should I go to D.C. and try to pitch ideas to the government? Do I even believe in our government? Should I go back to the Middle East, volunteer in Cambodia or India? Do I stay here in Washington close to my grandparents and loved ones?
My mind was constantly in this frenzie and for some reason having all these interviews at home I kept my fingers crossed they wouldnt hire me. I kept thinking to myself,
"Accidents happen closest to home"We fool ourselves into thinking familiar places = safe places. When really studies show that when we are on autopilot, thats exactly when we are the most prone to crash. Its only when you go somewhere new, all your senses snap awake and you pay attention. You have to. Your trying your hardest because your not sure where your going and if you will ever pass this way again. Its like the great paradox of service,when you loose yourself, you find yourself. Getting lost every once in awhile is one of the healthiest things we can accidently do.
So I had to MOVE
My sweet roomie Lindsey was an answer to my prayers and invited me to live with her in beautiful San Clemete.
When I landed in the OC, the soundtrack automatically started playing in my head.
'dododododo dododododo dododododoo California here we come!'
For anyone whos never seen the show, Im cast as Ryan (left) a lost soul from the wrong side a the tracks. Linds is Seth Cohen, this happy go lucky guy who takes me under her wing and lets me live in the pool house.
I was reunited with my long lost friend the ocean. Although she washes up a bit colder in California than in Hawaii, it was wonderful to play again.
Watched justin do an ear candle
And lived in this luxurious, tidy room
As I settled in about to start my job, I felt a pin prick stick in my heart and I knew what I needed to do. Suddenly everything seemed CLEAR to me for the first time. Moving to California was thrilling and new, and showed me I can make a home anywhere. But I couldn't help but feel like I was folding up my dreams like laundry and putting them away, like I was drifting further from what I really wanted in the long run. I couldnt let that happen! So I had to go, Maybe I just needed to get away from all the noise to hear my own voice.
I love the Valedictorian Speech in Twilight, its SO GOOD....
"When we were ten, they asked [what we wanted to be when we grew up] and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hec knows?!
This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.
So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know.
I talked to this lady on the airplane back to my neck of the woods, and she said "everywhere you go, you have to give something up, living in California, you give up alot of TIME, because your always in traffic and driving." But I guess to her it is worth it.
Find what it is you really want, and NEVER COMPROMISE no matter the cost. Work hard to get it and you will.
One of my best friends Kaitlyn gave me this quote a few years ago,
I know now that the ticket we take is always the golden one. As long as its the one WE choose. There is no such thing as a wrong choice. And if there is you will know because Heavenly Father will yank you back on track. Have faith in yourself, and have faith you will make all the right mistakes! Love you friend!