sheepy sheep

With all that has happened lately it seems like people don't know what to do, or think or even feel. I was talking to my friend Stu yesterday and he said this, "You pour your heart out to the Lord making more room for the spirit to come in. Christ taught that its easy to find yourself when you serve because theres so much more of yourself to find".

It seems even in hard times the answer is to do good and when your finished doing that, do even more good. How true are the words, "There is no end to the good we can do!" I love the President Hinkley!

Anyway so I was reading today about charity-the greatest of all, and I remembered something Id long forgot.

Growing up I remember laying in bed staring through the crack in my door at the light in the hallway every night. The only thing that would help me go to sleep was talking with my Heavenly Father. I was afraid of things when I was young, if there wasn't something to be afraid of, I would make something up to be scared about. I havnt veered too far from this path. But my fears then were somewhat outlandish-one great anxiety I had was that my life was similar to that on the Truman show, or that everything was a big hoax. I don't know, is it? Sometimes I still wonder that. Accusations at everyone, "are you an actor?!" But anyway I would lay there in bed everynight, staring through the cracked door, praying hard that I wanted to be a lamb. I just remembered that for some reason when I read this...

Matt 25:32-34

32 And before him shall be gathered all anations: and he shall bseparate them one from another, as a cshepherd divideth his dsheep from the goats:
33 And he shall set the sheep on his aright hand, but the goats on the left.
34 Then shall the King say unto them on his aright hand, Come, ye bblessed of my Father, cinherit the dkingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

When I was little I used to get it all mixed up sometimes, what animal was most desirable. But I imagined everyone in a line, waiting to be told what they would be. Jesus as if he was a magician, would touch us on the head and then magically turning us into a BAAAing sheep or a silly goat and we would peel off the line and go right or left. It was like picking teams in kickball or when the teacher numbers us a one or a two in math class. Id imagined it crossed fingers luck, weather I would end up with a fluffy coat or a coarse one. I know now that the lord is not only speaking figuratively but that we do have a choice in the matter.

The other day me and Nathan went to a farm and were so lucky we were able to pet all the beautiful animals. There was a little lamb cub and her mama there. They were both so sweet. The mama sheep one might say was a little "off her rocker". Nathan had a feather in his pocket and the mama invited herself to it for a little snack. She munched on it till it was gone, and all the while Nathan and I looked at eachother like "is this happening?" and then looked at the sheep like "what are you doing crazy sheep?!"All the while she made this face like, "yes Im eating a feather. what are you going to do about it?" Such a silly thing. We laughed at her.

The baby lamb on another note was such a great teacher to me. Her legs were broken so she would just sit and every once in awhile struggle trying to stand. It was a difficult sight to watch. The little girl at the ranch said that the dogs were too rough with her. We watched this little girl help the lamb to its feet and then of course she would sit back down again. But it just dawned on me that this is the animal to which we are supposed to be like. A gentle, patient, meek and maybe fearless lamb, not afraid to run around and play with dogs, even if means sometimes we will get hurt. Most importantly though I finally understood what it means to be a lamb. And not "dumb" as some might think based off the mother lamb, or blindly following but we should be like this little lamb- willing to accept help. Letting Heavenly fathers hands lift us and guide our lives, especially when we have broken legs. Sometimes it takes a broken leg or two to finally realize we need his help.

The mama lamb or sheep I guess is so often how I am, thinking I have legs and don't need anyone help. Doing silly things like eating feathers and thinking, "I know it all". But really its the Baby lamb that is the wisest.

I love this Earth and I am so very greatfull for my life, and for the great teachers and creatures all around me. I still hope I can be a sheep!



macy halladay said...

i love you marni. nuff said. you are beautiful earthy genius.

Moni said...

again, I loveeeee your blogging... you are so wise.. little lamb..
miss youuu and hope all is well :)