Its a Wonderful life

the truth

2012-01-29T13:21:00.006-10:00

Sometimes it feels so good to be completely covered in a moment. Wrapped up like a tiny baby, lost to someone or something.

The magic of the present is that it annihilates us and at the same time sets us free

things that have this power...

music, laughter, children, water, riding bikes, beautiful things, sunsets, being in love...

Goodnight Freddy by The Sounds on Grooveshark

Driving home tonight I felt completely covered in this song. Like it was seeping into my eyelids, into my ears, through my pores, pushing my blood around, even telling my heart to beat. But not just that.
It needed me.
To listen to it and appreciate it. To make it come alive. I love that feeling.

Everyone needs to feel that they belong to something.

Lately I have been feeling so bland like white bread. Craving the excitement that comes from doing something new. A great adventure, a new friend, seeing a new part of the world. Anything really.

But am I missing the whole point?

What am I supposed to be learning during the day to day? When I don't feel apart of anything, let alone the song that's playing in the background?

Patience? Independence? Or maybe just to relate to someone else.

Not to be too mushy or anything, but if ever you feel you don't have a home, maybe you could be one to someone else for awhile. And the moments that you do feel like this, like you belong to something- savor that because it's the truth, you really do.

abundant life

2012-01-23T19:08:00.002-10:00

One word comes to mind when I think about things lately, Abundant.

I don't mean that it in a materialistic way. Even though I do feel very grateful for everything.

This month I have been on the earth for 24 years! That's not too long, but its enough time to make solid friends, learn about love, how to work hard, learn that things don't always go as planned, how to live and how to let go. Ive learned that rain stops, and god always hears us.

This Christmas was bitter sweet. My Gichan (my sweet Japanese grandfather) went back home to live with Heavenly father right before Christmas.

He was 81 years old. He was healthy while visiting us in Washington this summer. But at the end of the summer he found out he had cancer.

He was an extremely gentle, curious, thoughtful, simple, friendly man with a wonderful sense of humor.

Whenever life re announces how precious it is, everything is again put into perspective.

Here is what I learned from him:

Be curious about life!

appreciate the small and simple

going for walks, reading thee paper, finding time to be in nature, find joy in everything you do!

spend time with mom love and take care of her

cheer people up

feed hungry animals

The nurse would call us from Japan these past few months for updates about Gichan's cancer treatment. She would always say, "Hirasakasan, is always wandering around from room to room in the hospital, wearing his pajamas chatting with the other patients." She commented that even though the doctors laughed at him and told him to stop wandering around the hospital in his underwear, they all appreciated his kindness and that it cheered everyone up.

He hardly spoke a lick of English but that didn't stop him from being so friendly. I remember watching him at the grocery store this summer patting random peoples watermelons in their carts and making comments to them in Japanese about their fine produce selections.

He knew how to take care of people, never complained and made the best of everything.

Life is like a big bench, and we all keep scooting down the line, I suppose were making room for new life. Each person keeps passing down their role, only to get a new one. I guess I am excited now about the future, something new is in store for each of us.

The best feeling in the whole world to me is when you come home and Sol comes running into your arms.

I hate thinking of missing out on these little people's childhoods. But I just think to myself, that going out and having other experiences, is the best thing I can do for them. I hope I can be a better auntie, and future mom someday and give these sweet people better pointers when it comes time for them to have adventures of their own. Knowing this, gives me permission to move forward and not look back.

Christmas time is the best!

We all loved the parades, lights,

bundling up?!

Wrapping gifts (excuse this horrendous room!)

Being an Auntie is truly one of the purest joys in my life. I just look at these precious people and just KNOW that families are what life is all about.

Sol is completely obsessed with my dog Nola, he always holds her against her will and ties her up around the house as if she is a horse in a stall. Nola is a great sport.

Christmas Eve, we played a little holiday Bingo and this cookie game where you put a cookie on your forehead and try to get int in your mouth. It was actually hilarious, Seth and Momi somehow were champions at it.

CHRISTMAS!

It seemed like every one of Cocos gifts were somehow preparing her for motherhood, or to be a princess.

Buzz light year!!! Sols all time favorite.

My dad in the designated Santa hat. We make him wear it every year to distribute gifts. We just cant take him seriously without it.

All the cousins!

The gingerbread house making contest...

In my family there is never any rules but one, and that's that no one is a loser. So I had to come up with awards for each and every house. My cousin Tommy's house won "most likely to be featured in a Christmas thriller."

Sweet lace and Christine came over for a holiday visit

My sweet baby Cokie loves to apply excess amounts of gloss

She is just a natural girl

Precious

We all love the root beer floats at XXX

Love these kids so much!

And last but not least...

My mission call came! I felt like I have been waiting my whole life for this moment, and now its finally here! Ive learned this year that so much of life is what we want it to be. I used to think I wasn't getting answers to my prayers, and the older I get, the more I realize that life is about making choices for ourselves, and THEN asking Heavenly Father for help achieving what it is we want.

Because God loves us so much, he respects us so much he wants us to choose our goals and choices in life. I know he will help us do whatever it is our hearts truly desire.

I truly felt like Gichan had pulled some strings up there, when I read I would be serving in Tokyo, Japan. Either way, I am so extremely grateful and excited for this opportunity!

So happy to have my sweet family all here for me!

I celebrated my 24th Bday with my cousin Brady who is a few weeks older then me. We are both so very blessed and I just know that this is going to be such a wonderful year for both of us. Happy new years to everyone of you wonderful souls!

In with the old

2012-01-12T10:08:00.008-10:00

There's this song, 'Everybodys Free to Wear Sunscreen. Call it cheesy or call it good advice. It came on the radio the other day, and I cant help but love this line...

"Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography, in lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."

I feel this is so true!

Everyone needs someone who can see them in different lights.

Dim lighting, for the times you need a little understanding, and harsh lighting for the moments, you needed to be smacked on the head and steered in the right direction. I am greatful for one of my best friends, Meagan who has been this friend to me.

Meagan was one of my first roommates in Hawaii and for some reason just looked out for me and never stopped.

Ex: One week I didn't have time to do laundry, and was out of underwear, so I was wearing swimsuits to class. I came home one day to a pair of hers set delicately on top of my bed with a note saying I should never feel afraid to ask her for ANYTHING.

She has become more like a sister to me and I was so thankful to reunite with her over the holidays!

Some of my favorite memories of her include: biking, going on adventures, planning parties, baking treats, and chaperoning teens on blind dates.

We made some new memories in Arizona with her adorable baby boy, Milo!

Milo is the happiest baby ever and never stopped smiling!

It was so awesome to see Meagan and Jordan as parents.

You know you have a good friend when you just find so much joy in doing the simplest things together.

One of my favorite nights we just did a sewing project and chatted, another night we went to see the movie Hugo together, shopped the clearance racks, sipped on soda, ate tons of hot tamales, and strawberry licorish that were to die for.

Meagan's trademark advice is to always "follow your heart".

Jordan is an expert with cacti. I belive, behind him is some cows tounge or prickely pear.

After a few days with Megs, I traded in the warm Arizona sun for the biting cold of Utah. So happy to see some familiar faces...

I visited my friend and roomie Nicole and played in the snow and met her sweet family.

Toured beautiful temple square

Met Nicoles dog Ruffie who I wish I could adopt. He is the ultimate trickster. He can even jump on top of your back. Nicole said he used to belong to an Australian Olympian. I belive he could have been an Olympian himself because he is seirously the most professional dog Ive ever come across.

I also stayed with one of my sweet friends Sarah Beth who I hadn't seen in 2 years, since she served her mission in San Diego. Sometimes we just start laughing for no reason and cant stop. I missed her so much and it was the best to crack up with her again.

This series of photos were taken by this darling latin man who Im assuming is a professional photographer. Each shot was pure gold. He kept making comments like "pretty good eh?" when we were reviewing the photos.

Tristan started crying he was laughing so hard at the picture quality.

Also I got to see my sweet roomie from Jerusalem, Kathleen. She is a a fellow Vegetarian and even though she was busy with finals, we were able to chat and eat linguine!

I loved touring around. Im so thankful for each special person who has come into my life and made it rich!

Love is food for the soul

the human spirit

2011-11-19T00:00:00.008-10:00

Michelangelo said this wonderful thing, "every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it"

The hardest part of moving somewhere, or starting something new, is accepting the fact that your a blob of clay.

We spend all this time building up a life in one place, and it looks like a beautiful masterpiece,. After awhile we start to harden, and without much warning, were scooped up by the winds of change and water drizzles down on our heads. Were kneaded, crushed, and sculpted into something completely new, even if we didn't ask for it.

In the moment it can feel awful and even painful. But really we just have to know God has a plan for us, he just needs to break us down to build us back up.

Moving keeps us in check. Strips us bare, leaving you standing there naked with nothing but your head and your heart. The past only existing inside of you. And for the first time you can see what is truly you. A beautiful yet terrifying process.

I love the thought that everything leading up to the present moment has prepared you for right now.

Every morning I wake up and think, "its too cold to exist!"

I didn't realize what an "easy life" I lived in Hawaii. There you have the beach, your close friends, and that's about all you need. You feel like a coy fish in a cozy pond and then your shipped off to the "real world", where its cold, gets dark early, and you can walk around for days without bumping into anyone you know.

It took awhile to get over the culture shock, but my Grandma pointed something out to me the other day, that I don't want to acclimate to...

She said, "it seems like everyone is in such a hurry these days". And shes right. There's this sense of urgency all around us, and were tricked into thinking if we pack our days full, we will be more successful, more happy. But I feel the opposite. I feel happiest when I slow down, focus on a few things and do less.

For awhile I was like stuck in one of those revolving doors in a fancy hotel and needed my grandma to stick her foot out and break the cycle.

So now I only work part time and hang out with kids. I learn so much from them.

Eating goldfish snacks, pizza, honeynut cherrios, reading tons of wild bed time stories, changing diapers like theres no tomorrow, bribing four year olds to potty train, there are moments in the day when I think--

How?! Why?! Never again!

But there is nothing in the world as beautiful as a happy child. Kids have the wonderful ability to bring us to the present.

The greatest lesson I've learned being home is to be patient, because, rain ALWAYS clears, no matter what.

Things I enjoy lately

a beautiful view

walking and enjoying all of Heavenly Fathers creations

being around people, learning from them

cleanliness and a budget (these make you feel really good)

creating things for loved ones

exploring a new place

The more I live the more I realize that usually the world is just a giant mirror for whatever we are feeling. When you smile at someone no matter what country you are in, the world will usually always smile back.

I recently read about this and think it is incredible,

In the late 1970s, a team of psychologists led by Philip Brickman came to a startling conclusion about humans and happiness: In comparing the happiness levels of a group of lottery winners and a group of paraplegics to that of the general population, the psychologists discovered that both life-altering events made no significant differences on the groups' well-being after one year. The researchers attributed this phenomenon to the adaptive functioning of the human spirit.

p.s. just incase you were wondering, this is what I look like platinum. Mia had this great wig just lying around so I tossed it on for Halloween. Originally I wanted to be Legolas from Lord of the Rings but didn't have time to complete my cloak.

Luckily Nicki Minaj has a similiar hairstyle. As the night wore on the wig got a bit itchy and hot, but loved wipping it back and forth.

I heard this at church its awesome,

"Everyday invite people [to church, into your life, to have fun...] Theres always a chance people will say no.

But theres a 100% chance that they won't have the opportunity if we don't invite them."

Everyday we have the opportunity to try something new, make a friend, or chip away at an old challenge. Everyday is a chance to do anything.

do you miss the ocean? do you miss the sand?

2011-10-16T22:14:00.005-10:00

Whys it every time you HAVE to sleep you cant?

Why when someone utters, the words, 'you cant, it will never work', nothing else seems important but making that very thing happen?

Curiosity, rebellion?

Laying in bed I keep thinking about the ocean. How no matter what it keeps going.

I keep thinking about being 18, my sweet roommate sisters asleep next to me. We seemed untouchable, like we were apart of the earth, and would stay that way forever.

I'm telling this story like it was 97 years ago but it might as well have been, I miss it that much. I always had the bed next to the sliding glass door. When I couldn't sleep I would press my whole body against the the glass and get as close to the ocean as possible and then just listen.

Some nights the waves would roll in gentle like a comb through silky hair, but sometimes it sounded more like little bites were being taken out of the rocks below. Either way Id eventually fall asleep.

I would wonder about little things like what all the crying birds were crying about, or if they were even sad at all. Maybe to them, humans sound like were crying when we talk too.

Now I'm listening to virtual waves online, but it sounds like a shopping cart rolling down a Walmart isle occasionally crashing into the toilet paper display.

Grateful to be here but I miss the real ocean!

Here are some things that cost nothing but make me smile

whistling
my sisters
old friends
mittens
singing in the shower loud
good books
feeding my dogs human food like linguine
my grandparents
writing postcards
adventure
the movie up
giving goodnight hugs and kisses

Goodnight beautiful world. goodnight beautiful ocean. I will return to you!

ive got this yearning burning feelin inside me

2011-10-05T07:29:00.005-10:00

I'm yearning to travel

I woke up this morning and all I can think about is how I must get to the nearest airport and beyond. The smell of coffee grinds, the hustle and bustle, lines of strangers dragging along their bare necessities. Millions coming, millions going, for weddings, for emergencies, for births, deaths, vacations, reunions. All different kinds of people layered in traveling clothes, the outside air still clinging to their jackets. Everyone a walking mystery, everyone in pursuit of new ground. I love the spirit of the airport.

Yesterday I was sitting in traffic and I saw flying above me a white seagull drifting against the ashy clouds. He flew with me for awhile and then veered off to the left and I had to go straight. I wished I could follow him but more than anything in the world I just wanted to be him.

Grateful its the 21st century and I can.

Note 2 Self

2011-09-30T23:02:00.002-10:00

Being a receptionist entails answering phones, greeting customers, light cleaning and heavy daydreaming.

There are only so many people to help, and tabloids to consume and then the rest of the day I have to escort my restless mind out from behind the desk to somewhere far away.

Daydreaming is one of those doubble edged swords. Awesome to have lots of dreams, as they are what carry us, push us onto stage.

But not awesome when your thoughts drag you off like a ragdoll to places you never wanted to go.

Sometimes it takes a sensible person to grab my hand and pull me back to reality.

The mind is powerful.

The other day at work I convinced myself I was going blind because I kept seeing all these floaty things in my eyes. Self diagnosed, by the end of the day I was reasuring myeslf, 'Stevie Wonder has a wonderful life' and embracing his lifestyle as my own. I considered practing bra:l

and tried doing all things with my eyes closed, including driving. This is very shameful to admit but my eyes were clenched shut for a few seconds before I immediatly remembered that if I was blind I would not be behind the wheel in the first place. After this risky stunt I knew I must go to the doctor. FYI, the eye doctor said 80% of people see "floaters", phewsha!

Anyway the upside to daydreaming is ofcourse creating anything we want. We can plan for our futures, or imbellish the past. My mind is cusioned with so many sweet memories, so sometimes I just hit replay and its like sipping a warm cup of coco.

When Im vacuming at work I think about what kind of werid names Im going to give my kids someday.

When Im on my hands and knees scrubbing, I think about all the people who immigrate to the U.S and clean hotels or become janitors, they work so hard and usually send all their hard earned money back to their families. Note to self: always say hi to these people.

More notes to self...

(I've accidently begun collecting sticky notes to self at work. Call me a hoarder but really without catching our own thoughts how can we ever really know what we want if we dont listen and atleast write down the small steps to get us there.

Here are some notes to self from today....

-watch breakfast at tiffanys

-be your own brand of beautiful

-make relaxing a priorty

-learn how to scuplt

-NEVER GIVE UP
-read chuck palahniuk

-have babies early to decrease chances of breast cancer

-look everyone in the eyes

-take prenatals

-be sunshine

-LISTEN

-find the beauty in everyone

-eat more veggies

-imitation is suicide

-make a photo calendar for mom

-run 4 miles everyday

-save money for visiting people it means alot

-give/get more hugs

-be like a child

-eat spicy thai food

-what exactly is a dog day?

-what is the meaning of simpatico?

-call friends

-watch moneyball and dolphin tale

-visit grandpa and grandma

-play with the pigeons in st marks square in venice

-start clothing line

-make everything you do be like music

god is listening

This phrase has been running through my mind all week..

I think about Hawaii everyday. I think about how I want to be a good. I think about fashion. My sweet baby niece and nephew. All the people Ive ever loved. I think about how to make prickly people feel speical, how to sand down sharp spots. I think about color. I think about who I want to be. I think about if Im doing enough. I think about the sweet feeling I want to fill my house with someday. I want to always have fresh flowers, music and laughter. I think about gardening with nosiy kids, I think about walking some dusty road and teaching children, I think about an awesome best friend. I think about how good the sun feels and how good freedom feels. How we all need it.

Some thoughts are worth locking arms with and pulling into real life. Pay attention. Listen to the small voice within and let your mind wander. The rewards are huge!

California Hope that it Wakes You

2011-09-11T00:50:00.006-10:00

All summer long possibilities of what to do next with my life pelted down on me like meteors.

Instead of trying to catch a falling star and put it in my pocket, or admiring the beauty before me, I found myself curled up in the fetal position somewhere in outfield, checking out self help books, consulting Dr. Phil, and googleing things like "how to be mature."

What in the world do you do when every shell on the beach looks beautiful, like it deserves a home in your pocket? Do you bring the whole beach with you? No, youve just got to choose.

Do I move to New York to write and experience the city? What about my family? Should I pipe off to fashion school in LA? What about my mission? Do I stay in Hawaii with my precious coco and sol, theyre growing up so fast. Should I get my teaching degree? Fall madly in love? Have kids of my own? Can you even plan for that? Should I go to D.C. and try to pitch ideas to the government? Do I even believe in our government? Should I go back to the Middle East, volunteer in Cambodia or India? Do I stay here in Washington close to my grandparents and loved ones?

My mind was constantly in this frenzie and for some reason having all these interviews at home I kept my fingers crossed they wouldnt hire me. I kept thinking to myself,

"Accidents happen closest to home"

We fool ourselves into thinking familiar places = safe places. When really studies show that when we are on autopilot, thats exactly when we are the most prone to crash. Its only when you go somewhere new, all your senses snap awake and you pay attention. You have to. Your trying your hardest because your not sure where your going and if you will ever pass this way again. Its like the great paradox of service,when you loose yourself, you find yourself. Getting lost every once in awhile is one of the healthiest things we can accidently do.

So I had to MOVE

My sweet roomie Lindsey was an answer to my prayers and invited me to live with her in beautiful San Clemete.

When I landed in the OC, the soundtrack automatically started playing in my head.

'dododododo dododododo dododododoo California here we come!'

For anyone whos never seen the show, Im cast as Ryan (left) a lost soul from the wrong side a the tracks. Linds is Seth Cohen, this happy go lucky guy who takes me under her wing and lets me live in the pool house.

I was reunited with my long lost friend the ocean. Although she washes up a bit colder in California than in Hawaii, it was wonderful to play again.

I ate delish food

Met amazing people

Watched beautiful sunsets

Reuninted with hawaii babies

Road tripped to Vegas

Watched justin do an ear candle

And lived in this luxurious, tidy room

As I settled in about to start my job, I felt a pin prick stick in my heart and I knew what I needed to do. Suddenly everything seemed CLEAR to me for the first time. Moving to California was thrilling and new, and showed me I can make a home anywhere. But I couldn't help but feel like I was folding up my dreams like laundry and putting them away, like I was drifting further from what I really wanted in the long run. I couldnt let that happen! So I had to go, Maybe I just needed to get away from all the noise to hear my own voice.

I love the Valedictorian Speech in Twilight, its SO GOOD....

"When we were ten, they asked [what we wanted to be when we grew up] and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hec knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.
So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know.

I talked to this lady on the airplane back to my neck of the woods, and she said "everywhere you go, you have to give something up, living in California, you give up alot of TIME, because your always in traffic and driving." But I guess to her it is worth it.

Find what it is you really want, and NEVER COMPROMISE no matter the cost. Work hard to get it and you will.

One of my best friends Kaitlyn gave me this quote a few years ago,

The place where you are right now God circled on a map for you. Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move against the earth and the sky,the beloved has bowed there knowing You were coming ~Hafiz

I know now that the ticket we take is always the golden one. As long as its the one WE choose. There is no such thing as a wrong choice. And if there is you will know because Heavenly Father will yank you back on track. Have faith in yourself, and have faith you will make all the right mistakes! Love you friend!

stuck in reverse

2011-08-30T02:03:00.015-10:00

I feel like a dog that keeps trying to run away from my owner, but I keep getting whiplash as my hearts all strung up to this place. Clark Tanner told me on the phone one day after he left the island, "Im still heartbroken about it"

I get it now.

I keep thinkin about the sugar cane fields and riding in the back of trucks. The lush mountains, how the sunshine is gentle and powerful at the same time, like everything on the island. I miss the way the mornings feel. How excited I am to wake up every day and ride my bike.

I miss the songs of the roosters and how the salty air tangles up hair. I miss watching the crashing waves, how their size is the only indication of winter.

I miss how people take care of each other. I miss that everyone wears slippers and lives within walking distance. I miss having little traces of sand stuck to my ankles and even the sand that stows away in all my bags. I miss how everything seems possible. I miss Foodland, the darling cashiers, I miss my babies solie and cocobean. I miss Iosepa street and pumping friends on my bike, putting groceries on the handlebars.

I miss getting shave ice with Momi and the kids. Watching Mayday and red raiders games. (Ive actually never been to a redraiders game but the town goes wild whenever they happen ;)

I miss the temple and hitchhiking and how its easy to get lost in the smell of a plumeria. I miss simplicity. I miss the ocean. I miss sneaking into hot tubs. I miss the Fords and Clark Cahoon. BYUH. The flag circle.

I miss haleiwa. the cute turtles and seals. I miss whale spotting in the winter and riding my bike to the beach with a basket full of paints.

I miss floating on my back like a dead man. Kamehameha street. My house by the ocean and all our wild chickens. I miss the stray dogs and feral cats and the giant toads. I miss the local kine and PCC. I miss bikini beach and the blueness of the ocean.

I miss dialing 808. I miss flowers in my ear and the barefoot keikies. Taking the bus and chatting with fellow bus riders. How nothing is ever that big of a deal. I miss walking outside no matter what time of day and everywhere you look is beautiful beyond description. I MISS MY SISTERS

I miss eating pineapple and Melona bars and having friends from every country. I miss the huge blue sky and the stary stary nights. I miss that first breath of air you take when you step off the airplane, how it feels like you werent even breathing for the past however long you were gone, how you werent all the way alive until you came here. I miss that drive home from the airport and all the sunrises and the sunsets inbetween.

I love waking up and watching the fishermen at the point or walking there late at night and getting ocean sprayed. I miss the salt water on my face and feeling like I snap in perfectly like a lego into this perfect space. I miss "going to town" how 2 hours is the furthest distance anyone or anything can possibly be.

So what am i doing here?

its 4 am

This island of California feels SO big for me. Will I ever grow into these shoes?

not to be dramatic but what if I am "too in love to let it go?"

churro diaries

2011-08-24T15:25:00.014-10:00

I woke up this morning and immediately wanted a churro. Im not pregnant or anything but its not everyday I get cravings, so when they come I try to obey.

I brushed my teeth and tried to get out the door before anything could touch me. I love the early hours. I feel like I want to fill my brain with new thoughts before my helmet of normalcy gets strapped on to tell me otherwise. I love being caught in the inbetween. Its too bad this wonderful state fades so fast, but its like anything, "nothing gold can stay".

In Hawaii I live for the mornings when the sun streams through my window, lifts open my eye lids, and pulls me out of bed. I love looking at all my sleeping roommates, each one of them look perfect. I put a hoodie on, run down the stairs like its an emergency and pedal as fast as I can to the point to get the best view of the morning. I always feel really special watching the sunsrise like that, like it was painted just for me. Theres something sacred about it. Like heavenly father and I are sharing some sort of big wonderful secret.

Driving to Costo I spotted my middle school janitor walking wearing big ear muffs. I wonder about if he got a summer job mowing lawns. Then I remember hearing about him having a heart attack a few years back, so he must be exercising and hes probably had those head phones since forever. You never see adults walking on this road, just teenagers who cant drive yet.

I pull into costo, Ive never seen the food court so empty. Only two windows have the green open signs on. Theres a lady at one, so I walk up slowly and study the big pictures of pizza and smoothies, looking unsure of what I want even though I know exactly what I want.

"Can I have a churro?" like I just thought of it.

The boy in the hairnet is about my age and is the first one to smile at me this morning. "1 dollar and 10 cents."

He disappears somewhere, comes back and sets my churro between us. I hand him my dollar and silver coin and smile. Then he gets this surprised look on his face when I tell him to 'have a good day today'. I love saying that to people, especially people working in food service and especially in the early morning when you have a whole day to spend it on.

I sit down behind a brick wall so as not to reveal I was eating alone, or that my solo reason in coming to costo was for the churro. I don't know why I care.

I begin to pull apart my prize. I love doing things before my sanity kicks in. Or is this my sanity?! I love how its all twisted up. The churro is slightly burned but I enjoy every bite. I love the textures, crisp and hot on the outside, warm and soft on the inside. I love the Cinnamon sugar crystals on my fingers and the thin almost transparent paper the churro comes in. I love individualized things. When things are JUST for you.

The new morning sun is kissing my arms and my face and I feel happy. Sun!

I see a girl out of the corner of my eye that was supposed to be in my high school graduating class but who disappeared half way through sophomore year. I saw her a few years ago around Christmas time working here and she blurted out that she had a son in the first sentence. I hope she didn't feel like she had to tell me. I see her now squatting down putting out a cigarette. I wonder how long shes been smoking. If she started before she had a baby or after, and it shes stressed out about something.

I see a man with a cart full of cleaning supplies and snacks. Fruit snacks and oxi clean. I think about his wife how she must have made him a list of things to get. I think what man buys oxi clean? I look for his left hand. Its sticking half way out of his pocket and he has a shiny gold ring.

On the drive home I pass the farmers market and tell myself when I have more money I'll attend farmers markets regularly. Right now I only have a dollar to my name. I think about India. I think about how there are a million different versions of happiness. I remember to focus on what I have in my hands and not look too long at the things I dont.

In other places. I'm sure they dont have costcos or farmers markets, but Im sure they're just as happy. I wonder about everyone's picture of happiness and flip through different images like Im flipping through a national geographic.

I always want to write something but starting is hard. I decided to start taking filed notes and go somewhere every morning to write and people watch.

Were all each other has.

Love this life. Love people watching. And I love this song especially for the morning!

little people

2011-08-17T11:36:00.002-10:00

I read this talk this morning "what manner of men ought ye to be?" and it was awesome. It talked about how we need to BE the kind of people, we would want our children to be. Its so true. Even with my auntiehood, I can already see how Cocobean carries around purses or is sweet to baby dolls, or wants to wear high heels just because she sees Momi and my sisters doing these things. And Solie always wants to try out our dance moves, help dice things in the kitchen, and use big words for his size, all because he sees us doing that.

I know every auntie is obsessed with their own kin. but I cant help it.

I miss my pride and joy peeps.

I talked to this guy at a singles ward activity. His name was Erik and I was telling him about how Im having trouble growing up. Instead of telling me to go to a meeting and put on a power suit, he said, "dont worry, it will happen naturally"

HOW?!

He said, "Its like when your a little kid. You run around doing little kid stuff. Then one day your like, "I don't want to do that stuff anymore, its kidish."

Erik said he used to like staying out late with friends, and then one day, he was like "Im tired, I just want to go home, and go to bed", so he did. I guess thats how you go from being a little kid to having your own little people to love.

One step at a time.

Ofcourse I always want to be "young at heart" as they say and keep doing wild things. But I don't want ever to stay "tightly closed and a bud" not changing my whole life (A keys). I want to bloom and blossom and experience every season.

So I figure with being a parent- maybe adults just get bored and out grow wearing funny party hats and throwing huge birthdays for themselves. They just want to shower someone else with all that. Their joy isn't capped off, it just takes on another form- reincarnates itself into giving joy to someone else.

Everyone always thinks its the little people who need moms to wipe their noses and hold their hands and stuff, but really its the other way around too. We need these little people. Somehow they bring the most joy and satisfaction to life. However it all works, Im greatful for them, they make growing up not so scary. Its like if someone is scared you all of a sudden have no choice but to be brave, they are relying on you to be. Anyway just love them more than anything in the whole world.

Time is a bug

2011-08-15T17:48:00.058-10:00

Sometimes I get a little nervous and wonder if the element of time will build a brick wall between me and my friends.

Will time board them up like an old house? Will I have to pry through rusty nails to get close to them? Will weeds fill the cracks where we used to talk for hours? Or will you be able to slip comfortably into each others lives again like sandals? Will it feel like coming home?

When you say goodbye to people you love, you just cross your fingers and hope for the best- that you will grow on your separate journeys but never grow apart.

Nathan Bliss one of my best friends of all time came to visit this week.. Our reunion was long over due! He was one of my first friends when I just moved to Hawaii and also was my first home teacher there. His companion Jake and him were always coming up with innovative home teaching techniques. The first time he home taught me, he came to my door with an umbrella and escorted my roommate Meagan and I to 711 in a limo. We were both shocked and since then we've had so many awesome times together.

What a relief it was to find that time is like a bug! I read this article about what distance and time can do, it said that only sometimes time is like a bug and can be squashed (although I prefer the paper/jar method)

a few years ago, i participated in a medical study to earn some extra cash, i was convinced it had gone awry. This was my alleged last night on earth. Had to live it up.

A collaborative birthday card we for my roommate Kaitlyn

Good friends truly do open up new caverns inside of ourselves that we never knew existed.
Nathan is so hilarious and easy to be with. We both enjoy alot of the same things.. healthy food, exploring, traveling, odd things, and we both crack up and the same things.

We took the foot fairy across the water and my friend Greg randomly appeared and joined us. We just wandered the city and got ice cream cones by the Seattle waterfront. It was beautiful. One of the best parts was waving "bon voyage!" to this huge ship full of Russian Sailors who were showing off. One particular chum as swinging his legs back and fourth at the tippy top looking super comfortable. Nathan was like, "what does he have a cup of tea with him too?!" I was dying laughing.

This was most unusual. Chihuahuas in goggles! Usually I love animals doing human things , but I felt so bad for them. Their owner was knitting miniature sweaters while these little models paid the price, I'm pretty sure they were sedated. Ive never seen such small dogs hold so still!

Anyway I couldn't stop smiling the whole day from ear to ear with one of my best friends at my side again.

I'm not super into Lord of the Rings or anything but while wandering the streets of Seattle I kept thinking about this line from J.R. Tolkien that goes, "not all who wander are lost". So here is the rest of that beautiful poem. Love reuniting with you Nathan! I feel like I discovered a part of me I never knew was lost.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

from death springs life

2011-08-08T16:50:00.013-10:00

I went to the post office today. I was standing in line and I wanted to hug every single person just for being so thoughtful. Most lines we stand in are for ourselves. And all these strangers were weighing packages, addressing big envelopes, for more strangers somewhere far away.

Words are words weather there on a page or on a screen, but theres something special about holding something in your hands that was sealed and sent to you.

I love bookstores and libraries for that same reason, because we can touch.

Energy has become really real to me lately. I'm trying to stay conscious of the energy I'm giving out, the positive and negative. Even if its a negative thought, its still taking up space in my brain so it counts.

If you only had a limited amount of thoughts you could think what would you think about?

If there was a cap on the words you could say in your life, what would you say? Who would you say them to?

What if there was a limit of how many places you could go or a limit to how many faces you could make

or a limit to the things we could touch?

What if there was a limit to how many people you could talk to, who are those people you would give your energy to?

What if there was a limited amount of minutes that we are alive what would you do with your time?

Life feels unlimited. But is it? It seems like life only becomes unlimited, fully ours, the moment we realize it is limited. hopefully this isn't too over the top.

When things are unlimited we seem to not cherish them as much. Like refills. We dont really care if our drink spills, its replacable. But if you only have one chance at something, you try to open all your sense because it will never happen again.

That it will never come again

Is what makes life so sweet

I was thinking about this today and I thought about my wise friend Dilan. He was in my peace building classes but ironically was always arguing with everyone, especially our teacher. I loved him for it. He questioned everything. He was from Vietnam and was majoring in philosophy and religion. I sat next to him at a social dance once and I asked him, the expert of religion, "why out of all the religions did you decide to join the lds church?"

He told me it was because he used to be very scared of death, and in the church we believe there really is no such thing. I admitted to him that even with the knowledge of the gospel death still scares me a little. Then he stared at me rather piercingly and said,

"WHY? From death springs life, and from life springs death"

I understood how death comes from life but I didn't understand how life could possibly spring from death. Then the wise Buddha Dilan posed this scenario,

"If you had to meet someone very important. And you were very nervous, but than I told you, you would die in 5 minutes, would you still be afraid?"

"No" I said. "What would you do than?" Asked Dilan

"I guess I would try to live my last 5 minutes the best and happiest I could, because it doesnt matter"

And Dilan said again, "From Death Springs Life"

I have to remind myself not stress about things little things. Try to imagine your slate of life and everything you think about is etched in. Its a good reminder to me to spend my time and energy doing the things that bring me happiness.

If something is bringing you down. Don't do that thing anymore! Let every day be a new page ready to be filled with beautiful things. And dont judge yourself, nothing is ever a failure, its just not finished yet.

As my family history teacher said at the end of our time together, "Live a life worth writing about".

A B Zzzzz

2011-07-28T11:15:00.001-10:00

I love learning and totally respect teachers of any kind. But every once in awhile I'll take a class where I feel I might just keel over and DIE Im so bored. There was this one class, biology my first semester of college that was my ultimate worst. Not because the teacher wasn't knowledgeable but because my brain isn't as malleable when it comes to wrapping itself around technical information. The words come out like the teachers speaking in tongues and Im instantly lulled to sleep.

When I was holding Coco the other day I was reminded of how different everybody learns. Some people can be talked to, but most have to experience it for themselves.

We were washing my dogs bowl out with hot water and Coco made this perfect O shape with her mouth and her eyes were wide watching the steam rising up from the sink. She kept makin this "ahhhh" sound like after you take a refreshing drink of cold water. Her hands were moving through the steam trying to hold onto it. As it made its way to our faces I realized I was witnessing a miracle. She was learning! And it gave me the most magical feeling being able to tell her about it.

Its moments like that that make me really want to go back to school and become a teacher! Here are a few ideas.....

Sing LOTS

Smile alot

Go outside as much as possible, let kids explore nature

Teach them about how one person can make a difference

Ghandi, Mother Teresa, MLK, Themselves

Dance

Play music

Listen

Plant gardens

Wear interesting, funny teacher clothes

Have kids say nice things about each other

do the circle of love

have lots of class pets

show and tell

Celebrate their birthdays, make them feel special all day

Teach them about gratitude

everyday have them write what it is they're greatful for

Host fun activities like theme dances

appreciate their uniqueness

learn their dreams

hide things

let them find them

display their artwork

Teach them old school stuff like how to make home made butter and cream like the pioneers

and home made ice cream

make instruments out of recyclables

Interpretive dance

Have a surprise day, where everything is a surprise!

Paint murals together

take them on service field trips

Play charades

Celebrate little things like when they loose teeth

encourage them to have big dreams

have read-athon camp outs

kidnap professionals for a day and have kids ask them anything they want

Cook things with them

Bring them treats

Celebrate funny holidays so everyday is a celebration!

Make everyone feel special

Take them on exciting field trips

Meditate with them before tests

do yoga

Learn math with candy of their choice

Do awesome science projects

Bring them juice boxes and snacks when I read to them

Have children write stories and illustrate them

Let them read their stories to the class.

Teach them about art

different cultures, dress up,

pretend to be from another culture, conduct class that day as if we were living there

Introduce them to inspirational people so that they too might fulfill their dreams

your very best

2011-07-25T16:21:00.047-10:00

I took this exercise class this morning and Marsha, the instructor was instructing us to do high kicks. She kept saying "DONT WASTE IT!" I kept wondering what she meant by it. Dont waste energy if your not going to do it right? Im not sure, I think she just meant make each movement count.

Lately Im seeing how much power I actually have to change the tide. Even though I still don't know exactly where my path is leading, Im trying to pay attention to the things Im giving energy to.

One of the challenges I was thinking about today is a rather simple one. Not like running a marathon or jetting off to India, though Id love that. I was thinking one of my new goals for now and forever is to finish everything you start. Sounds easy but this is tough for me!

I have a hand full of paintings that I need to finish and I've always wanted to be an author, but so often I get bored, have writers block or get distracted and move on. Its terrible. There is so much value in sticking to a task.

When I was growing up my summer camp counselor taught us this little poem. I still remember the words and I know they are true, but I wish the message would stick itself permanently onto my hands and heart.

Stick to your task till it sticks to you

Beginners are many, but enders are few.

Honor, power, place, and praise

Will come, in time, to the one who stays.

Stick to your task till it stick to you

Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it too

For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile

Will come life's victories, after awhile.

(I know this pic is cheezy, Maya kept telling me to look tough)

Theres just something powerful about knowing you accomplished something you set your mind to. In the story into the wild, Chris says this great line,

"How important it is in life, not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong"

Im going to go paint now but I just wanted to confess where sometimes my energy flows. As hypocritical as it may be, (as Im writing on a blog) I curse my appetite for technology! ha. Sometimes instead of calling friends I get my kicks from fools gold on places like Facebook. On Twilight when Edward fesses up to how the Cullen Vampires eat animal blood instead of humans he compares it to being a vegan eating tofu you dont really feel fulfilled? ha.

Even though we can feel informed or whatever by going online, it doesnt quite foster or create closeness. Sometimes its the best we can do, but I dont want it to be a substitute. I want to atleast hear people's voices. On my way home today I didnt turn on any music for once, and just listened to the rain and it was really beautiful. Out of fear of missing something, sometimes I think I miss out in just living for simple moments. I want to make each moment and movement count!

Unfortunatately I was so focused on the rain, how it was hitting my car but not touching me, how the wipers were working...etc, I wasnt paying attention to what was happening behind the wheel with my driving and the cars behind me got a little mad. SORRY to whoever you are! I hope I dont live my life like that, only thinking about myself, I want to think about how I can affect other people, or how I don't affect them.

If we all do our very best, whatever our passions are, somehow we will all make it. Sometimes dont you just love something so much you want to eat it? Or atleast squeeze the living daylights out of it? Thats how I feel about art. I just want to be it. And I want it to beat inside of me.

Usually when I have a question about something I ask everyone's opinion about it. Gather up all their advice in a burlap sack and then choose my favorite truths. Lately my burning question is 'what should I do with my life?' Its difficult as the map of life has been written for me for so long, but now the pens in my hands, to choose where to go? who to be? Freedom can feel like prison if we let fear dictate us.

I figure people should just do whatever it is that makes them want to just burst through the atmosphere they love it so much.

I love Gordon B Hinckley and his message in this video, I always watch it when I need a good lift. (My favorite part starts at 3:40)

"You don’t have to be a genious you don’t have to be a straight a student, you just have to do your very best, with all the capability that you have, you have to do your very best. And somehow if you do that, god will open the way before you and the sun will shine and your lives will be fruitful and you will accomplish great good in the world in which you take part"

Im so thankful for my life and that there is an all knowing pilot guiding me. Even though this next chapter of my life is still being drafted, I have no doubt it will be beautiful.

toothbrush hair

2011-07-17T01:21:00.005-10:00

I fell head over heels in love today with a little pink pig Bitzy. She had whitish hair all over her body that felt bristly like a worn out toothbrush and she had a little rope tail that would not stop waging.

We coaxed her over and I started scratching behind her ears just like my dogs like and then suddenly her pink body went limp and she plopps down on the ground, and started doing this whimpering sound. In that instant we were both in heaven.

Animals and children are my idols. Every creature is born with an insatiable need to love and to be loved. One of my good friends told me that when this need isnt fulfilled, people fill that void with something else, sometimes stuff that hurts them.

Sometimes with planning my life I get stuck in the clouds and forget to shimmy on down to the beautiful life m living right now. Sol and Coco keep me in check. Its good to have friends like this too, who can call us down from our worries and just remind us that were here to be happy.

Coco was being such a drama queen. She kept lying down in the middle of the road. I love that about children, they can do whatever they want whenever they feel like it and theyre spared weird looks and questioning. Sometimes its good to do things just because we feel like it. I love what Dr. Suess says,

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

Note 2 self: LIVE ON A FARM, or atleast have a spacious yard that a pig could be happy in.

love love love life

I.N.D.E.P.en.D.A.N.C.E.

2011-07-08T06:13:00.003-10:00

Watching the fireworks dance in the sky the other night

words were dancing in my head

Happy bday America!

Potato salad watermelon

bright sparks ripping the still sky to smoke

Anything is possible

what a miracle life can be

laughter and lawnchairs

there is only now

Young boys shuffle their feet

running. skidding. leaving marks on the street

explosions of light

sonic booms

war is that you?

just a war zone of color

just a nation of neighbors

waving flags red white and blue

Crisp air, solid ground.

fire in ice

fire is nice

Were not running out of time.

wake up youth

beauty transpires

Light the fuse

take a chance

it will all be over tomorrow

lets dance!

barbecues in backyards

take the day off

if you want to sing out, sing out!

freedom?

let it rattle

let it ring

let it launch

into the sky like hope

rain down on us like pearls

Ashes to ashes

dust to dust

Give life a chance

let it rise boom and flash

like the rest of this stuff

Fathers

2011-06-25T17:15:00.037-10:00

I was thinking about prayers

I know they work, but how does that work?

Sometimes my mind can easily be blown from East to West, peering into every cave on every continent looking for answers. This time my mind was being blown thinking about all the people in the world who need help. People kneeling by their bedsides, breaking down on the side of the road, uttering prayers before they have to do something hard. All the different voices and different languages rising up like steam into heaven.

I imagined Heavenly Father in a big, beautiful field catching each prayer like a butterfly in his net. Maybe by the time prayers flutter into heaven, heaven's gravity slows down their wings? But how does he catch them all? There are zillions. How when we are so many and he is one?

And then I remembered my dad.

Reading to us in the hallway of my old house. My sisters and I tucked safely under his arms. Every night without fail. Some nights we were a totally unmerciful, shaking him impatiently between pages, "DAD DAD YOUR FALLING ASLEEP WAKE UP!" He would make each story come alive reading in funny voices giving each character their own personality. No matter how busy or tired, he made it a priority.

Mother Teresa says, we cannot do great things in this life, only small things with great love.

And I understand now how my dad did it. how heavenly father does it: with great love.

Sure he has lots to do, but we are his priorities. Thats all we need to understand.

I am thankful for my fathers.

Also I should mention my grandfather, or my Gichan is here visiting for a month from Japan.

He was the firecheif for 35 years in Japan so hes super curious about anything to do with fire. One of the first things Gichan did on arriving was stick his head in our fireplace and question my mom about how safe it was to have a fire in the house. He cracks me up!

One thing I have learned from him is to never ever loose your sense of wonder.

Before this week, I had not seen Gichan for 11 years. Its almost a sin! But I cried tears of joy at our reunion for how familiar he was to me. He is very simple and brought only a small carry on. There is something so endearing about him. I can hardly speak a lick of Japanese but I just follow him around the house and we get by with what little Japanese I can remember. Though he is smaller than I am now, his heart is like the mountains.

Notes to self: Stretch, be curious, and try not to be picky

I always catch Gichan doing sun salutations and doing things like breaking off plants and smelling them.

Coco and me escorted him to the library this week and helped him find some books.

Ive been thinking lately old people are not picky. Which made me realize this is a "picky" generation we live in. We have so many many many choices, which I'm super grateful for, but it doesn't really help make us adaptable.

We live in this society where we can get EXACTLY what we want, almost WHEN we want it, and I don't know if that's always a healthy thing or not. I selected 2 books for Gichan and he just accepted it right away. Even thought there were like 30 other choices of that same author.

On the other hand its a wonderful thing for this generation because instead of accepting things as they are, like injustice, or a bad policy, our generation belives in variety and demands change or the right to have more than ONE way.

In dress, in books, in loves.....

Anyway, I'm feeling thankful for my fathers, curiosity and the endless possibilities that this world has to offer!

Ps. Coco in her kimono straight from our aunties in Japan :)

It should be illegal to be this cute!

Mo-men-tum

2011-06-07T22:31:00.022-10:00

Its still a blur how this all happened......

Graduation seemed like one of those destinations where you get in your car, drive, and think about something, anything but where your going, and then roll to a stop and "click-click", robotically shift into park, and snap awake and wonder, "how in the world did I get here?! I wasn't paying attention. Oh well, looks like I made it alive.'

My life is SO good. If it was a color it might be rainbow or even gold. The friends I have made and my sweet, supportive family have painted it this way. I may not know the future, but I feel like the richest person in the world already because of the lessons Ive learned and the people I've loved.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Anais Nin

Leaving Hawaii is NEVER easy. I moved there when I was 18, almost five years ago and over the years its become more and more magical. If you live there long enough the island starts to grow inside of you, whispering to you its secrets and making you feel so ALIVE. Literally it takes a hold of you and wont let you go, and you cant let it go either. Even when I go home for Christmas break I act as if my life is ending.

I cry saying goodbye to friends who Ill see again, I cry in the car all the way to the Honolulu airport, mourning every car that passes (iron and wine ;), I blink back tears on the plane and hold strangers hands, I sometimes even cry sitting on my bedroom floor at the sight of unpacking. ha.

But President Monson assures us that "change is the only thing we can rely on". Gracefully making changes is still a skill I'm trying to hone. It used to be especially difficult for me to say goodbye to the magical friends I'd make in Hawaii. But Ive learned over the years (as if im 80!) that everything we love becomes apart of us,

I guess naturally, saying goodbye can be as comfortable as loosing a limb. Am i dramatic or??

As hard as it is to rip off a limb and let go of the familiar. They say that its the things in life that we DONT do that will be the most painful regrets. So Im trying hard to listen my heart and seek for adventure. I read recently that when we do new things it stimulates our brains and this actually makes us happier. So try to fill up on new experiences!

My first day back in Washington I went into this little vintage shop, the store owner seemed semi relatable she was wearing some leaped print hat and she decorated her store pretty cool. So I just asked her for some advice on life. I asked if she was an "artist by trade" and she told me "no", but it had always been her passion. She had to be creative growing up because she didn't have alot of money. Her parting words to me were these:

"Pay attention to the things that make you excited"

A few things that make me excited

sharing

journals

human rights

color

traveling

public speaking

new solutions to old problems

natural health

dancing

writing

connecting

hidden beauty

animals

instruments

outside

learning

libraries

music

painting

art

hands

love

feelings

strangers/new friends

shaking hands

singing

listening

making things beautiful

old things

unique people

oprah

reading

old people

babies

when I feel the seed in my heart grow with love for a new friend

the power that lies in everyones hands

families

the gospel

I know this: momentum. create it. even if you get stuck. keep trying.

things i like

2011-05-23T17:50:00.009-10:00

And taking 1 bite out of every assorted chocolate in those heart shaped boxes is the way I want to live

2011-05-17T19:09:00.007-10:00

I love my friend Gabby. She has short hair and looks like the last avatar air bender.

More importantly, she reminded me of something I have forgotten lately.

She is such an advocate of things. Shes always raising her hand in class and stating her opinion. I most often keep my opinion to myself unless it weasels its way out. Because its a little precious to me. Sometimes I don't state my opinion because it gets lost. I mean I think I have one and then I listen to everyone's point of view and I can see truth in it all. My brain gets swirled around and becomes like slush. Maybe this is why I'm easily talked into things.

But I love passion. We are dead without it. I wanted to make a theme for myself for this month so I did: Live with Passion

I decided to dye my hair ravens wing black this morning at 8 clock. Ive never dyed my hair in the AM. But I loved the experience. I loved reading on my lawn, eating watermelon, with my new black hair, listening to the chickens. I felt like a new person. It was a wonderful feeling. I read about the bias reporting of the Israeli and Palestinian conflict, how every time Israel does something its called "Retaliation" and every time Palestine does something its called an "attack".

Yesterday I watched a movie by myself on the upstairs floor of the library. I felt really myself for some reason. Which reminded me, sometimes it takes doing little unique things to unzip us from our uniforms of normalcy and be free to be ourselves.

Something happened today in History class. A group was presenting on same gender marriage. They brought tons of food and showed clips of angry protesters in California. And I felt myself almost walk out because even though were a Mormon school, I felt that the audience was smirking or something the whole time. A man in the front row of my class really frustrated me. The presenters showed a map of those in California who do not support prop 8, and then he commented, "that's the side that's going to fall off into the ocean".

I'm not writing this to be negative but I automatically felt myself shoot lazer beams at him. I didnt like that feeling. But I found it unavoidable. I couldn't look at him without it, so I tried not to look at him.

Now I write this mainly because I think that its important to raise our hand sometimes. My media teacher says, "behind every journalist is an activist. More than ever I feel like maybe I'm here so that I can help someone, in some way, to be an advocate for them. I feel a passion for protecting people. Even that man I felt mad at, he too is learning. But I just felt today after he said that comment, I knew that all the education in the world will not help anyone, and cant save anyone, if we don't approach situations with love and understanding.

I want to push my brain till its huge, but never so huge I get a big head about it, just enough so I can be big enough to hold everyone's hearts in my hands, and really know them.

Anyways the day has been really good, full of facts, I learned a lot, but the one thing that was missing from it was real love. Which is what Gabby reminded me of. She invited me over for a vegetarian dinner after class and then I felt like that's what I know for sure. My mind can be swirled around all day, but I feel a great relief as I think my true love ad passions is love. I guess its one of the only things Im sure of.

I guess its hard to know what you think sometimes until someone challenges it.

Other things I know for sure

God lives in every 1
I want a banjo
I want to ride my bike and have one of those wicker baskets to put flowers and little animals in
I want to see Adele in concert
And taking 1 bite out of every assorted chocolate in those heart shaped boxes is the way I want to live

love everyone, PS does my hair look like a wig?

3

2011-03-22T18:03:00.005-10:00

Today was Solies 3rd birthday. We have been looking forward to this for about a month now. For the past month he has been telling everyone that hes going to "ride horse" for his birthday. We scheduled him a little ride through Gunstock Ranch, this beautiful farm close to our house.

and its all he can talk about.

He was totally in his element. The fields, endless room to run arond, animals all over, a dog following him around. He was loving it all. He had this cute little helmet on that he took very seriously. He always acts as if whatever he is doing is what he was born to do. Solie packed the horse a lunch of apples and carrots. He even packed him one long string bean that he was insisting the horse would love.

We all concluded that we want to live on a ranch as a family. Everyone except for Seth. He was the only one who was not convinced of the beauty in farm life. He kept asking questions like, "what do these guys do all day? Move one horse from this stall to that one?" I felt I learned so much. I learned that a "wild stallion" simply means that the horse is a male who isnt fixed. There were only 2 stallions on the whole ranch. They kept them seperate but they were my favoirte and by far the most beautiful and majestic. Anyhoo Sols birthday was awesome. We had a picnic at turtle bay with my whole family and solie fell asleep even though it was his birthday picnic. More than anything, the greatest joy is seeing someones dreams come true. I think that is my new dream. To just be a witness of dreams being fulfilled, it just feels so good. Happy Birthday my baby solie!

excerpts from my life

2011-03-20T23:16:00.018-10:00

This is a short tribute to my niece and nephew who have taught me how much the heart can really love. These little people are the most precious to me in the world. Solie turns 3 this week, I always tell people the day he was born was the happiest of my life. Next week Cocobean will be 1! Were planning a Never Land Birthday party for them, so we took some birthday shots on the beach.

Love is poweful. I wish I could get a degree in it. I don't wanna just talk about it, I want to be really really good at it. Good at it because I think its the strongest super power we can have without being a superpower. Some people are easy to love, others are not, and some don't want it at all. But Im convinced like air we all need it.

Maya is in town for about a month and already has more friends than me in the short amount of time shes been here :)

We roasted smores on the beach and did some Thai Chi.

Im not sure why but I was bragging last week to everyone in my art class that Hyrum and me won in the cake contest for the "most funniest cake," which if you saw is so hideous we almost entered annonomously. But the funniest part about all of that is that, we entered the Children's category not the funniest. We didnt know what to with our award winning wild things cake. We were going to throwing it off a building or bridge or watching it get run over but instead we carried the cake around Laie and decided we were too nice to throw it at anyone. Finally we called Dillan because hes a mutal friend and can take a joke, and plotted to throw the cake at him when he least expected it.
After the cake throwing, next thing I knew it was being eaten off the road. (take note of the chunks of yellow cake)

My Grandmas been living in heaven for 3 months now. I miss her everyday but strangely I feel closer to her then ever. It was hard to make sense of her moving there at first. Its like as if someone was to tell you" the sky is no longer blue, from now on its purple". A world without her, is just a world I never knew. But I know I will see her again.

I love my roommate family this semester. I was nervous because I was the new person this semeester, but they are all like sisters to me. We always have Sunday dinner together, which I love.

Also Dillan is obsessed with making pizza. This one is a deep dish crust or something. It works out perfect because I love eating cheese and cooking with friends.

I thought it would be fun to try out the 'Got Milk' look but with pink moostashes. So we all stained our upper lips with smoothie. Everyone turned out to be such a natural, except for me and I was actually kind of trying. Couldnt seem to keep my eyes open in any of the shots.

Lindsey in her element.

I love honest people. I tend to sugar coat things, but I crave a balance, I crave to hear the truth and love people that speak it, even if its not pretty. I'm learning so much lately, and learning stretch my artist hands and trust my artist feet. I believe everyones an artist, just like everyone has got a heart beat, we all can recognize beauty, just in different ways. It makes me sad when people say "Im not an artist". I dont think there is such thing.

One of my favorite feelings I was thinking the other day is when Im covered in paint. When its all up my arms and under my nails, on my forehead and legs, and then I get in the shower and wash it all off. Its the best feeling. I think art is the closest we can get to out of body experience. I made it a goal to do one creative thing a day, even if its just making a card for someone. Im reading This book The Artist's Way, and theres a part that says, we must believe we are the creative channel instead of thinking of it as seperate work.

We went to a movie with my family this weekend. There were no seats left sitting together so I sat in the front row, between two couples. It was weird. I also felt funny because I snuck a huge smoothie in via my purse. I was planning on sharing but ended up forcing myself to drink the whole thing because of my solo seating arrangement.

Life lesson #1

I learned this week again that less is more. We don't have to fit in everything. Its good to leave breathing space.

If there is something that you want in life, SHOW THEM THAT YOU WANT IT. SHOW GOD YOU WANT IT. Do everything you can to make it happen, and then let the lord do the rest. Ive been thinking about this phrase alot "you give the Lord a crumb, he gives you a loaf" which is so true!

Miles told me that about showing God you want something. He told me that someone shared that with him on his mission when he was trying so hard to learn Spanish. I love Miles. Weve been friends for 4 years now and he still treats me like a lady. He walked me to class the other day, carrying my books as if we were in the 50ies. I loved it. Then my class was canceled so we went out for Figiian curry. His tires were flat so we had to drive to Kahuku, the next town over, because they are the only place with a pump. I vavumed while he pumped and it was a great team effort. Thats what friends do best, I think is normal stuff together. It doesnt have to be fancy. I love days like this when things dont work out to work out.

#3 Friendship is just like anything worth while, your testimony, your body, they need constant tending a little each day. Like delicate flowers friendships can become weak, wither and die if we dont nourish them. Im so thankful for this extended family.

I had a roommate reunion on Sunday with my old roomates from last semesteram. I just love those girls. I read a pickup line written on a wall the other day that said "If I had a flower for everytime I thought of you, I would be walking through a garden". I dont know why but I loved it and texted it to my BFF Mia immediatly:) Love everyone and am greatful for our friendship!

where the wild things are

2011-03-13T04:21:00.010-10:00

This quite possibly doubbles as the most hideous/halrious work of art Ive ever done.
We entered this edible book contest last week and thought it was going to be a piece of cake.

After dropping 20 thou on ingredients, and 6 embarresing hours later..... we were pulling chairs into the kitchen we were so fatigued of being cake bosses.

An arial view. Note the singed marshmellow forest. My creature looks like hes slaying the little blue creature. Hopfully we dont get disqualified for using leaves, I will be furious.

A comment was made when it was nearly 1 am when my brother in law came in to the kitchen he goes, "you guys dont mess around". He was right. hours later, all we had to show for ourselves were burnt marshmellows and sagging pretzel arms.

Atleast Max looks somewhat recongnizable.

life is a short trip..

2011-03-11T22:33:00.013-10:00

The last few days have been a blur, partially because Ive been averaging 2-4 hours of sleep, and partially because of strange events. Sometimes when things are like that I feel like I'm in a movie. It would have been a good one too. Things were somewhat normal a few days ago, and then Thursday night there was that devastating earthquake in Japan and a tsunami to follow, heading our way in a matter of hours. I had DEJAVOU of last year and quickly fled to the mountains with my loved ones.

Looks like were in pain, but really we just survived the tsunami!

We had a beautiful view to wake up to but during the night, anticipating something in the darkness was a little scary. I have to say I felt a lot less nervous this time, compared to last year's "tsunami". Although, I do think the Lord is really preparing us for the day when it will come.

My family in Japan is okay so far. We couldn't get a hold of anyone by the phone, so finally, so my mom got a hold of my uncle GiGi via fax. Kind of old school but so glad we know they are okay. We havnt heard from my Grandpa yet, he lives in the South and most of the damage was in the North. But either way, the Japanese people need all the prayers and help they can get.

That night of the tsunami I realized a few things. I was stuffing my backpack with my most important belongings and I just grabbed a change of clothes (well several), scriptures, journal, picture of my family, and letters from friends. Friendship is so important. What else do we have? Each friend is so special to me, and I felt such a great love from everyone on and off the island. Without everyone I would be comfortless. So thank you! Something that also brought me strange comfort was being in nature, the cow pies were smelling sweet and the stars were so beautiful.

I dont know why but its like my worst fear to die and not be a mother. So when I thought this could be it! I had to just get out of the car and walk around. Moving makes me feel good. I have to do it or I have anxiety up to my ears.

My friend Hyrum was with me star gazing and walking around the ranch in the mountains, telling cheesy jokes. Literally, he told me this one: “what do you call cheese that’s not yours?” Nachyo' Cheese. ha

Anyway I love looking up at the numberless stars. I feel small and somewhat insignificant, but then watched over and protected at the same time, like they are shining just for you (stole that from cold play but its true).

Also this lovely passage is one that has stuck out to me lately,

Moses 1: 35 For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away...and there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them.

I asked my friend Hyrum which star he would want to be, and he gave the most beautiful answer. He said he want to be one of the ones in a cluster, surrounded by others. I always thought I'd like to be one of the bright ones, but his answer sounded better, or cozier at least.

Then he asked me if I could ask God one thing what would I ask, and I think I would ask him if he was proud of me. Hyrum said he never heard that answer before and that he would ask God how to be happy. I want everyone to be truly happy.

We changed mountains, and arrived at our new "higher ground" destination at about 2 am. We were up by the radio tower and the windmills. You couldn't really see the ocean because it was so dark. At the tippy top of the mountain was this big building where they were offering movies and beverages, (Harry Potter and coffee.) I didn’t partake in either but I appreciate that they were there. Its amazing to see how people ban together in face of tragedies.

Everyone slept in their cars. We took out all the seats to the car and slept in the back. Four to each car. It was cramped but fun. We were getting all muddy from the clay like mud. Our jeans and our feet were caked on with red dirt and kept needing to be washed off. Seth gave us strict instructions to wash our faces too before entering the car. Seth is good at being bossy because hes funny about it, I feel he could be a lutenant in another life.

The Tsunamie was supposed to hit at like 3 07 AM so we waited and waited and nothing. It was a little weird that we couldn’t see it coming. I kept envisioning water seeping up over the mountains to us even though that is rather impossible. I couldnt sleep because I kept peeping my eyes open to see if the red flashing lights on the radio towers were still on, and as long as they were I felt okay.

Here are two survivors, Maya and Solie the next morning.

I'm grateful to be alive and thankful to my wonderful family and friends. At like 12 we came back down off the mountain. They news said earthquakes were still happening in Japan. I watched one of the videos and its like a horror film.

I do want to get my school and work in order, but when crisis strikes, you realize again what is most important- people. I have never regretted showing love to anyone in my life, but I know the most painful regrets are the things we don't do or say. Thankful for another day and for everyone in my life!

this could be a special day

2011-03-04T13:02:00.012-10:00

It was Noahs ark last week! Seriously the rain was coming down so much that you couldn't even see the trees. I had to crawl into bed with my roommate Katie after the thunder started to sound like sonic booms.

Also Ive been eating ice cream and chocolate as if its my job lately. It kind of has made me sick actually, but its so delish. I ate it for breakfast and dinner the other day. I watched the sun come up and had a dish, and then before bed I helped myself to another dish.
One of these nights after I had a bowl of ice cream, I was like gasping for air lying in bed and couldn't figure out why. I asked everyone if its allergy season, but Ive come to the conclusion its because of eating so much ice cream, maybe my arteries are clogged. Anyway this restlessness and noisy weather conditions lead me to do a lot of thinking, and I want to start living my life.

I realized I say yes' to so many things out of obligation, and I don't want to live like that anymore. Life is far too short to do things that we don't want to do. Even if it means not being the nicest person in in the world. I book myself so much sometimes that when I am not booked I feel like I should be booked and can't relax. Its terrible.

So I made a promise to myself that I'm not going to do school stuff on the weekends, kind of how Sundays are dedicated to spending time with the Lord, I'm dedicating the weekends to complete and total relaxation. (Imaging myself with shades on sitting by a poolside)

(Look at this mature couple, I don't know them personally but don't they look carefree?)

Its so important to do what you love. Like, art. I love it. And dont do it enough. I love the smell of linseed oil, using my hands, getting dirty, feeling like I'm jumping into another body, and making beautiful things, I even like some ugly things too.

It just makes me so happy. So this weekend even though my body was feeling super weird, as if I had menopause (and thats not true because I'm so young), I felt this dart of happiness appear in the exact center of my heart. A bulls eye. And I know its because I was doing what I love.

We met Gandhi's grandson. He spoke at HPU and everyone kept referring to him as, "Mr. Ghandi" which I thought was funny. There was this sweet reverence about this man. I felt like when I met him, it was as if I was meeting a prophet or something.

People asked him all sorts of questions, about war, terrorism, Egypt, about parenting. Something profound was his take on parenting. He said that parents and children need to have mutual respect for one another. So when he was a child if he or his brother were being ornery, the parents would fast, not eat anything and saying they were "bad parents". Mr Ghandi would feel so guilty, him and his brother didn't want to do that bad thing again.

He was such a cool guy. I also felt impressed that if we live a good life, not only will we be blessed and respected, but our children and grandchildren will be too.

Also we went to the Salvation army this weekend, and I felt like giving this man a piece of my mind because he kicked Hyrum out of his dressing room, right as he was in using it. I was so confused.

Luckily I thought of Ghandi and what we just learned about how even verbal aggression is violence. I want to be an ambassador for peace too but I still want to stick up for my friends.

Anyway, I think the way to make peace is different for everyone. But I think we all should use our talents, or to practice them at least. As if sharpening a pencil, only its the mind, our hands, or the heart. This is the way to peace I think, just sharpen away, and then when you need to fix something, you will be able to in your own unique way.

This is a special day, full of opportunities! I just love this story that President Monson tells....

A few years ago I read the account of a man who, just after the passing of his wife, opened her dresser drawer and found there an item of clothing she had purchased when they visited the Eastern part of the United States nine years earlier. She had not worn it but was saving it for a special occasion. Now, of course, that occasion would never come. In relating the experience to a friend, the husband said, “Don’t save something only for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion.”

That friend later said those words changed her life. They helped her to cease putting off the things most important to her. Said she, “Now I spend more time with my family. I use crystal glasses every day. I’ll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket if I feel like it. The words ‘someday’ and ‘one day’ are fading from my vocabulary. Now I take the time to call my relatives and closest friends. I’ve called old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I tell my family members how much I love them. I try not to delay or postpone anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.”

-President Monson

Hopefully I will be able to take these things to heart and just relax and enjoy life more! Sometimes we forgot that's what we are here to do! Love everyone.

The dog days are ova!

2011-02-26T12:16:00.022-10:00

For some reason I still haven't given up my childhood dream of being a singer or at least part of a cutting edge band. I was just thinking it is so extremely important to follow your childhood dreams. There is nothing like it. When I was little I made business cards saying Marni Vail: SINGER/Cat Specialist and passed them out. (This was before I had dogs) I no longer have the desire to be a cat vet but still love performing. Accidentally bossing everyone around, writing scripts, making movies, and even though I'm not Whitney Houston, I just love the thrill of singing and dancing. Positive energy is like a dog off leash, it will run ramped if you let it. My friends Hyrum and Dylan entered into the school talent show with me but there seemed to be much division in the group, over what song to do. We also lost a band member due to a mysterious illness, he suddenly got "sick" the day of, so the three of us finally got around to choreography a half hour before. We came close to doing beyonce all my single ladies at one point. Although our trio didn't exactly match the vision I had-fleets of people wearing head dresses and banging on drums, like the music video, we decided last minute to do the song,

Dylan accidentally waked me in the cheek with the broom stick that we were using as a flag. And then I flung my shoes off and they almost hit the judges, and then somehow I ripped Hyrum's Indian vest thing, not to mention, I didn't know most of the words, but that's something to note- it does not matter how good you are, really with anything, but what matters is that you do things with your whole heart. My roomie Linds said she was crying the whole time from laughing at Hyrum because he was going 100 miles per hou like the energizer bunny. We were trying to look like wild people but when I stepped onto the stage I heard someone yell "Pocahontas!"Wild always seems to turn into Indian for some reason. Behind the curtain I felt this negative vibe, because I think the organizer people were irked at us we were late, but once we got on stage all the bad looks melted away and it was all about having fun and being buck wild. So many people came up to us afterward said they wanted to come up and dance with us. Positive energy travels so fast I'm so sure of it, and it is much stronger than negative. After the talent show we, "the Village people" wanted to have a little after party, we went to Foodland but all the Melonas were sold out and kids were flooding the isles, so we went over to 711 and the boys got slurpies and I got a melona bar;) so delish. Its so funny to live in a small town because after every big event, pretty much the whole town gets out of the event and congregates all over the place. Dylan was practically crowd surfing at the grocery store.

For our after party all our phones were dead so we listened to Bill Nye the science guy and rolled up to 711 listening to 2pac. Sometimes some of the best memories are the ones when your just sitting in the car listening to music together. I just love my life, and my youth. Then we rolled up by the Laie park and made a little fort in the back of Dylan's truck and browsed through movies and finally ended up deciding to watch The Dark Night, to be honest it didn't really move me. I really like to be moved by movies and challenged to think in a new way, but this one was just about creepiness, but anyway it was alot of fun just being samwitched in the back of the flat bed, eating snacks. I'm so grateful for the richness of my life. So as I'm coming to a close here and I start thinking, well what next, shall I try to get famous? Start an edgy clothing line? Go to film school? I just don't know. Going to school for four years kind of feels like walking on a tight rope with my head pointed down towards my feet. I'm trying so hard not to fall off, its like Ive reached the other side, and now I'm just standing high on this platform shocked. I sort of want to be a kid forever. Anway don't desert your ideals or your dreams no matter what. Always do whats in your heart... Im going to work on these next... 1. paint beautiful portraits of people I love 2. learn the drums and xylophone 3. sing awesome 4. spend lots of time with my niece and nephew 5. surf 6. LOVE really big 7. travel 8. be an international reporter/teacher 9. read lots of books 10. have a garden, or at least potted plants for now :) 11. be physically fit! 12. skate 13. make movies 14. give myself to adventure

And all this because I heard a rooster crowing

2011-02-21T06:34:00.008-10:00

If I didnt know any better I'd guess I live on a farm. There are roosters cockadoodeling every 17 seconds, I counted so thats exact. They got me up at 5 and Ive been lying here envisioning my life on a farm....

I'd like a farm, but wouldnt harm my animals. I want to have big property that my kids can grow up on. I imagine them playing in the yard, learning how to work hard. I wouldnt want them to be too isolated, but want them to know whats important-their family.

And the man Im with, Id like him to love his father in heaven and us. I can see myself with alot of boys. I want some of them to have Indian names, and I want to have long flowing hair, and a little art studio, I can go in to paint.

I want my home to radiate love and warmth and make it a little heaven on earth where the spirit will be strong and sweet. I want to just love life and nurture each child. And I want to have crab apples and a kern bush like Grandma Gladys had when she was growing up, I want my garden to be as lovely as hers too.

I want to have dogs that my kids and I will give baths to so they can jump up on our beds. And if my child wants to take up any art, I will support them 100%. I want to nurture the young paleontologists, author, doctor, astronaut artist, wood carver, carpenter, zookeeper. I want to be safe hands for them to hold and I want to know how to heal them when they get sick.

I would love a horse, that could eat our grass and the kids can take turns riding her or him. And I want to have a garden and all my children will help me plant seeds, and Ill teach them about Jesus and teach them everything I know.

I want my husbnad to be a good and honest man. And I want to make really good meals like pepperbellies, with all the taco fixings, with chilli and cheese and a big long picnic table so that all my children can fit. And I want to make homemade bread and bring loaves to my friends and neighbors. And other homemade things like honey, jam and salsa.

When my kids grow I want to spend one on one time with them and never be too busy to stop and listen. And we can have little cottontail rabbits and little pigs just for fun not for food, and little lambs.

And in the summertime Ill can peaches like my Grandma used to and make fresh cobbler. And Ill hand make special clothes for my children, like Birthday and Easter dresses. And for their birthdays Ill let them choose everything.

And I want to eat dinner together every night and say prayers together every morning and night, and have pictures up all over the walls of the generous acts and miracles Christ performed. And I want to display all my children's artwork and make them feel important.

And Ill tell them its okay to mess up sometimes and its okay to feel like you've failed, let them know I love them no matter what. And I want to make my home a place where they can bring their friends, and have lots of comfortable chairs and bar stools and a big kitchen so they can come home from school and talk about their days.

And I want my husband to kiss me when he leaves and when he comes home and I hope he is good at snuggling and doesn't mind animals. I want his hands to be the kind that work but that also use gentleness. I want him to be kind, humble and understanding, and maybe if he could play a few tunes on the guitar and love the arts.

And Ill take my little ones out for picnics outside and well look up at the clouds and think about what each one is. And Ill support their dreams and talk about what we want to be when we grow up. And Ill teach the girls how to sew, but also have them spend time with their dad so they will know how special they are and how boys should treat them. And in the evening Ill watch the sky change colors on the porch with one of those afghan things and sip tea and chat to my husband about our dreams and how were all doing.

And all this because I heard a rooster crowing.

animals doing human things

2010-12-06T14:10:00.005-10:00

For some reason Im a sucker for animals doing human things...

love< 3

2010-11-22T09:57:00.006-10:00

I hope I will love my own kids just as much as I love Momi's. Everyone says I will but its just hard to imagine. Love is one of those things though- like bottomless fries at red robin. You cant run out. Its not like good luck, or milk. Theres no cap on how much we can hold. No running out. Isn't it a relief?

Ever since Halloween Sols been parading around in his spider man costume that hes already outgrowing and its only November.

My sis the Diva I love Halloween in Laie! Every year the whole community gets into the holiday spirit and sits outside in their lawn chairs or the trunks of their spooked out vans passing out candy. Loud music is also blasting through the closed off streets from multiple tents and families just stroll around collecting goodies. What a genius holiday!

Due to budget cuts, this year my Halloween costume was made out of pure recyclable materials, except for the colored paper and glue. The Number 2 pencil served me well but it was strictly for looks. While wearing it I could not even bend down for candy, hold my neice or nephew and even my peripheral vision was limited. Mental note for next year:be something that has a full range of motion. I kept envisioning tick or treating going bad, tipping over on the streets of Laie, unable to get to my feet. Of course that didn't happen and we had a great time.

I wish I was a cat with 9 lives

2010-08-29T13:45:00.026-10:00

I just found out I will very soon be walking down the isle to graduation! My brother in law Seth summed up my fears perfectly, "whats after college..death?"

Lately Ive been woken up in the middle of the night by all the possibilities pulling at my brain. These possibilities sit on the exact border of sweet dreams and nightmares, and are so many they cannot be numbered!

Not to be cliche but growing up is like a roller coaster. Half of the time Im jumping up and down in line waiting for it to be my turn, and the other half, Im anxiously biting my nails because I dont know what to expect...whats next?

I wish I was a cat with 9 lives.

1.
Id go to culinary school.
go to a prestigious film/art school.
be really edgy and go to fashion school.
paint in Italy.
make indie films.
report
do the peace core

travel
write
the world.

Be a bridge connecting two worlds.

3.
move to India. Africa. Tibet.
be a medicine woman. heal people.
live with some sort of tribe
point out beauty when its not so obvious.

4.
Wear lots of jewelry and be a
wild but understanding high school art teacher.
road trip across the country
Not be afraid of anything.
jump off high things.

cut my hair short.
adopt shelter dogs and walk as a pack
meanwhile wearing heels
living somewhere edgy like New York.
be in incredible shape.
i.n.t.e.r.p.r.e.t.i.v.e d.a.n.c.e.
ALOT

5.
have Oprah's job.

6.
Date?
take more chances.
be a better listener.
learn cool skateboard tricks.
and how to drop in at skate parks
be an awesome guitarist.
be an awesome friend
sister
daughter
niece
auntie
granddaughter
human.
book worm.

7.
be a wild drummer.
cook meals so beautiful I feel a little guilty when its time to eat.
bake delicious baked goods.
shoot sunbeams into peoples hearts
using my eyes

8.
be more organized.
have courage.
have friends in every nook and cranny
love deeper
be a home to the heartless.
run marathons or something equally endurance testing.
be as crafty as Martha.
go to beauty school.

9.
fall in love many times but only once for keeps.
garden.
be madly in love.
sew my own clothes and play clothes for my kids.
be a natural-path

be an awesome mom.
tell people I love them a lot, lots.
teach my kids how to love the earth
and that its okay to be different.

I want to
Sing like an angel
tame animals
and
be forever young like the song.

What are we more afraid of? That we will actually succeed or that we'll fail?
What stops us from pursuing our dreams?

I feel like if I stretch my arms up far enough like Gumby,
I can pull myself up towards what I want
And the blue sky will recognize my efforts
and hoist me the rest of the way.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
- Mary Oliver